MEDIA

Episode Transcript: Narrator: Coming up on Lifestyle. Jesse Favre: I hate when somebody comes to you and they're like, "You look awful. You look so sick. What happened to you?" Sharmini Long: If you didn't feel bad before, you're right after that. Roy Ice: I do. Jesse Favre: Yeah. It's like, "Hello?" I was having panic attacks constantly. It is ongoing maintenance. I mean, I tell my therapist all the time, "I keep her in business." You don't have to be best friends with your therapist. You shouldn't be. Roy Ice: Yeah, exactly. Jesse Favre: But you have to trust them. I think one of the things that's so important to know is... Narrator: Welcome to Lifestyle, the award-winning life coaching show that helps you live your best life possible. Here's your host, Roy Ice.
 Roy Ice: Have you ever felt like you had to hold it all together on the outside while quietly falling apart on the inside?
 Audience: Yeah.
 Roy Ice: Mental health challenges are more common than most of us realize, yet too often, they're hidden in plain sight. Today's guest knows that journey firsthand. With a background in both business and social work, she's helping leaders create spaces where people feel safe to be human, where mental health is not just acknowledged but supported with empathy, language, and action. Please help me welcome mental health advocate and leadership trainer, Jesse Favre. Welcome, Jesse. Jesse Favre: Thank you so much.
 Roy Ice: Thank you so much for being on the show. Now, mental health. It seems to be a buzzword today. What got you interested in working in the field of mental health?
 Jesse Favre: So Roy, mental health has been a part of my life since the time that I didn't even have words to describe what it is. I remember being a tiny child, and I felt like I had this brain that was this high-speed car that didn't have any brakes on it, and I could not figure out how to participate in things without being way too much. And so over time, I learned it was best to get really, really quiet. And as I was growing up, I thought, "I just need a really high energy job. I need a challenging job." And so I go into hospital leadership, and very quickly I get met with this feedback that I was too intense for my job. And so yeah, I just shoved it all back down.
 And really at that point, I started to pay the price for that. So, I was having panic attacks constantly. And I kept thinking, I don't want to tell people what's going on because I don't want them to think that I'm not strong enough for this job, not tough enough for this job. And it was through this process of trying to navigate how to get through at work and how to get the help that I needed that I really learned the importance of being able to talk about mental health with others.
 Roy Ice: So, were you diagnosed with a certain mental health condition?
 Jesse Favre: Yeah. I actually got diagnosed in 2014 with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder. And then just a couple of years ago, I got another diagnosis that I did not know that I needed, and that's ADHD. And as a late-diagnosis ADHDer, it has been life-changing to understand why I could feel that my brain was wired differently than most.
 Roy Ice: It seems like you're happy that you finally got diagnosed with these mental health conditions. Why does it give you that response?
 Jesse Favre: Yeah. Having a diagnosis is like a bridge. It's a bridge to be able to get the resources that you need. And for me, specifically with ADHD, it was the answer to questions that I had had my whole life. There was so much of my life that I felt so isolated because I could tell that I was different from other people. And so, it was always trying to hide myself. I mean, I have memories even in high school of hiding in the bathroom stall with my tray because I thought I just don't feel like other kids. So yeah, it has been absolutely life-changing.
 Roy Ice: So, you're not only aware that you naturally approach life in certain ways and in certain environments, but do they give you any tools to help you be able to say, "Okay, if I've got this diagnosis, here's something I can do to help myself feel comfortable during these situations." Jesse Favre: Yes. And I think one of the things that's so important to know is there are all different paths that you can pursue. And sometimes, you go down one path and you think you got it, and it's not quite right and you need something else. And so, you just keep navigating. But for me, it's like exploring things like therapy. When I got my ADHD diagnosis, I got an ADHD coach. Just within a couple of sessions, I was like, "This is what this is." I know how to proceed and it gave me so much clarity, even for how to run my business.
 Roy Ice: What does an ADHD coach do? Like, you go to a session, and what would they have you do?
 Jesse Favre: I think like a lot of coaches, they ask a lot of questions, but they really help you to identify, where are you trying to go in your life? In your career? And then how can we get you there? And there's a lot of skill building that needs to happen. And a lot of it was figuring out how are you going to slow down? How are you going to really be thoughtful about boundaries? How are you going to enforce boundaries? And it was through that process that I thought I finally have the tools that I need to figure this out.
 Roy Ice: What are some of the things that you do to slow down during those times?
 Jesse Favre: Being proactive. So any situation I'm in, it's thinking ahead of time. In this situation, what is it that I need versus what is it that I would prefer to have happen? Getting super clear with myself. And then thinking about, "Okay, how do I articulate this to people?" And then make sure that I actually enforce what I say, because if you have a boundary and you don't enforce it, it looks like a preference. And so, I really had to learn how to just kind of, "Yes, slow, slow the car. Put the brakes on."
 Roy Ice: With your other diagnoses, how have you had to approach... Are they both also proactive approaches? Or are they, in the moment, you do different things?
 Jesse Favre: So, it is ongoing maintenance. I tell my therapist all the time, "I keep her in business." I am there every single week, and it's so important to me. I've realized for me to show up and do the things that I want to do in life, it takes maintenance. And I cannot say enough about finding the right therapist. I had years I didn't have the right one. And because of that, I wouldn't show up. It didn't feel quite right. It felt like it wasn't working the way it was supposed to. And then I find the right one and I was like, "Oh my gosh, this is a completely different experience." You don't have to be best friends with your therapist. You shouldn't be.
 Roy Ice: Yeah, exactly.
 Jesse Favre: But you have to trust them. And that trust sometimes takes a couple of tries to find the right person. And so I always tell people, "Just keep looking." Give it like three visits. If it hasn't been the right fit, keep going, because when you find the right person, you'll be so thankful for it.
 Roy Ice: Very helpful advice. I can hear people on the other side of the screen now saying, "Yes, that's exactly what I needed to hear." We need to take a break, but stay right where you are because we'll be right back. We're back with Jesse Favre, and joining us is Dr. Sharmini Long.
 Sharmini Long: This is such an important topic. Thank you so much for coming and talking about it. It seems like so often, we'll hear about someone who was going through something they were really struggling with from a mental health standpoint, and yet their family or their friends end up saying, "I had no idea that something like that was going on."
 What are signs that we can watch for in our loved ones that will be an indication to us that we need to reach out and support?
 Jesse Favre: Yeah, absolutely. And I'm so glad that you brought that up too, because sometimes people do delay because it's uncomfortable. And so just knowing some of the high-level things to look out for, I think, can be really helpful. Oftentimes, it's going to show up as some sort of shift in energy, some sort of shift in emotions, shift in behavior. And particularly in the workplace, you're going to see some sort of change usually in performance. 
 Sharmini Long: Sure.
 Jesse Favre: Could be somebody having a hard time concentrating, somebody who's making more mistakes than they usually do, absenteeism. There's lots of different things. But I always tell people, it's almost like you're looking at the tip of the iceberg and you don't necessarily know what's under the water. So, we have to be really careful about that. Just yesterday, I was doing a talk and I was kind of teary-eyed. It's because I bought new makeup and I was allergic to it. And so they're all thinking, "Oh gosh, she's so sad." And I'm like, "No, it's the mascara." We don't necessarily know. And I think especially when we're out in a workplace, sometimes those water levels are quite high. 
 Roy Ice: Yes. 
Sharmini Long: Yeah. 
Jesse Favre: And so we have to be really careful about not jumping to conclusions. And at the same time, you spot the tip of the iceberg. That's enough information to say, "This person is not their usual self today. I should probably check in. " Sharmini Long: I think we're so good, as humans, at knowing what we're supposed to say, as far as the correct answer to say that everything is good instead of being truly honest.
 Jesse Favre: Absolutely. It's almost as if we are in autopilot all day long, because you see somebody and you say, "Hey, how's it going?" "I'm good. How are you?" And we do this little song and dance. And so, we have to find this way to disrupt autopilot and signal to somebody, "I'd actually like to have a serious conversation if you're open to this."
 Sharmini Long: Yeah, a real conversation.
 Jesse Favre: Absolutely.
 Roy Ice: What have you found in your research, in your studies, that is the best way that a loving family member could support the person with mental health issues?
 Jesse Favre: Yeah, it's the ultimate question. How do we kickstart this conversation? There's more than one right way to proceed. In fact, there are many right ways. And it can be as simple as, how are you? I like to say something like, "It's not every day that we get to connect," or, "I could tell that you just don't seem quite like yourself today. I want to just check in and see how things are going." Again, because that shows that I've noticed something. I'm not making any sort of judgment about it. I've observed, and I really want to talk to you.
 But then in that conversation, there's all these choices that we make about what we're going to say or not say. I always tell folks, "Move away from the clinical language." We don't want to say, "Oh, you seem so depressed." And I don't know if anybody else has been on the receiving end, but I hate when somebody comes to you and they're like, "You look awful. You look so sick. What happened to you?"
 Sharmini Long: If you didn't feel bad before, you were after that.
 Roy Ice: I do.
 Jesse Favre: It's like, "Well..." Very, very judgmental. We want to be cautious about that. But the other thing that I often see come up as an area of optimization for people is saying things that could be seen as very dismissive. Everybody has a tough day, or, "Just snap out of it. Be grateful. Be more positive." Positivity is important. Gratitude is important. And yet, if we could just snap out of it, we would do that. Absolutely. Sharmini Long: It's so dismissive of how the other person is feeling.
 Jesse Favre: Absolutely. And I think in this conversation, people don't want to feel more trapped. You tell somebody how to manage their mental health and they're like, "Oh, the walls are getting tighter."
 Asking questions. If somebody shares, "Oh, I've been through this in the past." I'm so glad that you got through it okay. If you're open to tell me, what helped? What do you see as your path forward? And I think that gives people that breathing room to say, "Oh, I have some agency here. Let me talk to you about this."
 Sharmini Long: A sense of hope.
 Jesse Favre: Yeah.
 Roy Ice: It's typically someone trying to say something to make it better, but it makes it worse. And so I've found in most situations, not just with mental health, that if you're at a funeral and you're talking to people, one of the best things you could say is, "I'm here if you need me." Not to be there to give you advice, but, "I'm here if you need me."
 Jesse Favre: Yeah. You're keeping that door open. And ideally over time, you're nudging them towards resources. You try to drag somebody to something they're not ready for, and they dig their heels in. But through some gentle persistence, a lot of times, people can get the help that they need.
 Sharmini Long: Being willing to listen is a powerful thing. And if the person has experienced that you're willing to listen, then eventually they're willing to listen back.
 Roy Ice: It's a powerful thing. And on a general level, because this is a very general statement, but women can do that. Men, internally, we are built to fix things. And so if we see something is broken, we're like, "Well, let me figure out how to fix this." And so, it's very hard on a general level for men to just listen because we get more stressed out. Because, "Here's something we need to fix." But what it sounds like you're saying is presence is better than advice.
 Jesse Favre: Presence is the present.
 Sharmini Long: And not doing anything at all. Not reaching out at all might be even the worst thing of all. Jesse Favre: Yeah. Time is really of the essence. And I always tell people... Somebody last week said to me, "I just don't think it could be me. I don't feel equipped to have these conversations."
 And I said, "If it's not you, make sure that it's somebody else."
 Sharmini Long: Somebody else.
 Jesse Favre: Touch base with somebody and say, "So and-so doesn't seem like their usual self today. Could you check in with them?" Because we know with mental health that that can be really critical.
 Sharmini Long: Absolutely.
 Roy Ice: So powerful to really focus on compassionate responses like that. We need to take a break, but don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. We're back with Jesse Favre and Dr. Sharmini Long. And I want to ask you, Jesse, why do you think it's more important now more than ever?
 Jesse Favre: If you think about what we have gone through collectively over the last five years, it's incredible to even try to grasp. And I think one of the things that we have to remember about stress is it's cumulative in nature, and it can really sneak up on you. So day to day, you may not notice that you're feeling it until the day that you notice it, and you're like, "Oh my gosh." Right? And a lot of people describe to me this feeling of just dropping in energy. They are just sliding into burnout, which is a particular type of exhaustion, that a lot of times is paired with cynicism. People doubt their abilities. They doubt the value of their work. And it's no surprise to me that when we look at stats, 1 in 5 US adults in a given year experiences a mental illness.
 Sharmini Long: Absolutely.
 Jesse Favre: And many experts, and you've probably seen this in your own practice, expect that it's probably higher than that.
 Sharmini Long: Yeah. I would say that... I mean, I've been in practice now for probably 20 some years. And in the last 4 to 5 years, I have seen... And I'm not in the mental health field, but I have patients who come in and talk to me all the time. And I have seen unexplained anxiety, depression, patients coming in saying, "I'm having panic attacks. I have no idea why." And that has escalated so much in the last four years. Even coming out of COVID where patients are like, "Oh, I've gotten past that and I should be fine now." But actually, they just haven't really dealt with anything and they're having a lot of anxiety. Jesse Favre: Absolutely. And I think coming out of the pandemic, if I had bet, I would've said we would slow down. And yet with most companies I work with, they say the pace is faster than ever. And I have a lot of concern about what that's going to mean for this buildup of stress over time.
 Sharmini Long: Absolutely. So, if you're someone who is helping support someone with a mental illness and helping them walk through that journey, what can you do yourself to stay mentally fit?
 Jesse Favre: Yes, I am so glad you asked that. We forget that we're a part of this equation.
 Roy Ice: Right.
 Sharmini Long: Yeah.
 Jesse Favre: And I have so many people in my life who said this to me this week. They said, "You can't pour from an empty cup, Jesse. You can't do it. There is nothing about self-care that is selfish. How are you going to show up for other people if you haven't resourced yourself?" And so whether you do it for somebody else or you do it for yourself, you need to be doing it.
 Sharmini Long: Absolutely.
 Roy Ice: I love that. The focus of self-care, and the whole purpose of self-care, is not self. And the people who really are the most fueled up to serve are people who view self-care as, "This is me fueling because I am fueling myself to serve." That's what the self-care.
 Sharmini Long: You have to be able to maintain that peace and calm within yourself if you're going to be able to help other people get to that point too.
 Roy Ice: Absolutely. Now, you work with businesses, you work with all kinds of organizations. What resources do you find that these people you're working with are like, "Yes, I need to know about this resource, that resource." You work with a ton. What are some of the top ones that you think are the most helpful for people to know about?
 Jesse Favre: Yes. So 988 in the US is the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. And what people get excited about with this, I know it sounds odd, but you can text this number. And as a millennial, I'm not really a phone person. I'm a texter. And so I can only imagine for so many people, it's like, "Oh, I can get help via text." Right?
 Roy Ice: Yeah.
 Jesse Favre: Text or call. And I think the other thing about that number, that a lot of times people don't know, is you can use that if you are supporting somebody with a mental health challenge or if you yourself experience one. That's a huge resource. I do think it's important to note if somebody says they are going to harm themselves or someone else emergency services.
 Sharmini Long: Absolutely.
 Jesse Favre: That's a 911 call because you need to make sure that they get the assessment and the treatment that they need in that moment.
 Roy Ice: Right away.
 Sharmini Long: And it's beyond the level of what you, as a family member or friend, can deal with.
 Jesse Favre: It's out of your scope at that point.
 Roy Ice: Right.
 Jesse Favre: I would also say for people who want to learn more about how to engage in conversation around mental health, the National Council for Mental Wellbeing in the US manages a program that's called Mental Health First Aid. I've done two of their certificate programs and I would love to do more because it is so practical, and these are tips that you can put into practice immediately.
 Roy Ice: I love how they use the phraseology First Aid. What is it about it that is parallel or similar to physical first aid?
 Jesse Favre: I can speak to this as a former hospital leader. I think the healthcare industry does a really good job at equipping people to help somebody who's in physical distress. My hospital would put on a training to help somebody with CPR, or the Heimlich maneuver, and pediatrics even. But when it comes to helping somebody who's in emotional distress, a lot of us have no clue what to do. And that's where this idea of first aid comes in, that they need help in that moment. You're there to be able to provide support, and potentially save somebody's life.
 Sharmini Long: I love that.
 Roy Ice: I've heard of something else, the abbreviation's EAPs. Talk to me about that.
 Jesse Favre: Yes. I love EAPs. EAP stands for Employee Assistance Program, and this is a type of benefit that a lot of employers offer and employees have no clue that it even exists. Whatever you know about the medical world and insurance and copays, I always tell people, "Put it in a ball, chuck it out the window," because EAPs tend to work very differently. For many programs, employers cover all of the services, and they help people get through any kind of daily struggle that could come up. So, many EAPs offer mental health services. They may get you access to an attorney, financial experts, referrals. There's so many things that can be out there. So it's probably the social worker in me, but I always tell people, "Know your resources and work your resources." It's worth, at least, asking if that's available.
 Roy Ice: That's hugely valuable. Just in the last two minutes, you gave us so much. Thank you so much, Jesse, for what you're doing, where you live, and also around the world to help us understand all the ways that we can address such an important topic.
 Jesse Favre: Thank you for having me.
 Roy Ice: We have to take a break, but stay right there. I've got some words that can help you live your best life. If your mind feels heavy, your hope feels dim, and it seems like you're carrying the weight of the world, pause. You're not alone, and this moment does not define your whole story. Struggling with mental health is like walking through fog. It distorts everything. Your perspective, your energy, even your sense of self. But here's the truth, fog always lifts. Science backs it up. Studies from John Hopkins and the APA show that therapy, support groups, and even just talking to someone you trust can lower symptoms of anxiety and depression by up to 60%. Add in regular sleep, movement, and journaling, and you're building a ladder out of the darkness.
 So, here are the best things to do. Tell someone, move your body, get fresh air, ask for help. You're not weak. You're wise for choosing healing. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to take the next brave step. Why? Because you're worth it. Thank you so much, Jesse.
 Don't forget that you can find exclusive content on all of our guests. Check us out on social media using the handle lifestylewithroy.