Should I Share? Practicing Discernment in Public Speaking

As someone who regularly speaks on mental health at work, I've seen an incredible demand for authenticity and personal storytelling in seminars. I often receive thank you's after talks for having the bravery to tell my story about having ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder as a business owner.

Here's the thing, though: While I share things about myself that still come with some stigma, I don't share everything about myself. Whether in performing arts or business, I exercise a lot of pre-event discernment about what's safe (and not safe) to share with others. 

Vulnerability is undoubtedly a powerful gift to give to an audience; we just don't have to give all of ourselves away. 

When the openly flawed comedian John Mulaney released Baby J on Netflix, I watched his special on repeat. (If you haven't seen it yet, he discusses his path to recovery from drug addiction via an intervention driven by fellow comics.) To me, it's a fascinating case study on making a stigmatized and emotionally difficult topic more palatable via humor.

As a speaker and occasional comic myself, there was one line in particular that really stuck out to me. After telling a bizarre story about stealing his own money by buying and immediately pawning a watch, Mulaney shares:

"And as you process and digest how obnoxious, wasteful, and unlikable that story is, just remember... That’s one I’m willing to tell you."

While it got the successful one-liner "pop" you'd hope for as a comic, it also served as a reminder that this very personal talk was, nevertheless, a curated experience. If you're a speaker (of any sort), I'm just going to suggest on Mulaney's behalf that that line goes out especially to you.   

To my fellow "public speakers" (and I'm using this term very broadly), please keep in mind:

We don't get to hit the "undo" button on the things that we say. That means we need to use self-disclosure with extreme care. 

To be clear, this doesn't mean we have to shy away from storytelling. If anything, I've doubled down on it recently. There are just some key considerations I run through before I engage with an audience.

I recently posted a video on LinkedIn walking through my thought process. It includes:

• Making sure that the story actually drives your message forward

• Ensuring your story doesn't accidentally take attention away from a participant

• Verifying that your body (i.e. nervous system) feels okay sharing that information

• Validating that you're perfectly fine with the story coming back to your loved ones 

If you're ever unsure about whether or not to tell a story, you might consider talking to someone like a mental health provider, coach, or trusted loved one to get an outside perspective. 

It can feel so tempting to share our most intense or interesting experiences with a captivated audience. Ultimately, though, our message needs to align with the needs of our participants as well as... and here's the kicker... ourselves.