I kicked off the morning wearing the tiny black dental office sunglasses—apparently back in style—staring up at the bright light of impending judgment.
Over the last few years, I’ve developed a real disdain for dental visits. Despite what feels like Olympic-level training in my dental routine, my efforts always seem to earn a "last place in the grade school Field Day" response from my dental team.
"Before we go further, could I make a quick request?" I asked the dental hygienist. "When you get to the part where you read off the numbers to the other person, would it be okay if I put my headphones in? I want to hear the opportunities for improvement afterward, but that level of information makes me anxious."
"Of course," she smiled. "That works for me."
What a win.
With that one simple switch, I finally felt calm enough to fully absorb the flossing instructions they'd likely been repeating for the last six visits. ---
For feedback to be effective, it needs to be processed through our beautifully complex (and sometimes sensitive) minds.
Creating a strong feedback culture involves acknowledging and respecting each person's needs and preferences for receiving feedback.
While we can't always control when or how feedback is delivered, we can advocate for how we best receive it.
Here are three steps for articulating your feedback needs and preferences:
1. Write down your wants versus needs when receiving feedback.
It's important to determine whether something is a must-have or nice-to-have. For instance, you may decide that you must receive feedback that is free from inappropriate language and yelling; you'd like to have feedback delivered by videoconferencing instead of e-mail when possible.
Consider these examples for your wants or needs list:
Medium: Preference for receiving feedback in person, via video call, or in writing.
Detail Level: Desire for detailed feedback, pinpointing a specific behavior, versus high-level comments.
Starting Point: Preference for starting with either positive feedback or constructive feedback.
2. Make your wants and needs known.
Approach the person professionally and explain the "why" behind your request.
For example, you could say, "I've noticed that I absorb feedback better when it's delivered on camera. Could we try discussing this feedback in our next one-on-one?"
3. Enforce your boundaries. If the feedback is not delivered in the agreed-upon manner, develop an "if/then" plan for responding. If my need isn't met, then I will say, "XYZ." You can even draft out your script in advance. There's no need to stick with it, but it can help you feel more prepared. For instance:
[NEED] If someone raises their voice while giving feedback, then I will say, "Let's stop the meeting for now and revisit this conversation when we can both speak calmly and professionally."
[WANT] If someone continues to send feedback via text message, then I might say, "I really appreciate your thoughts on this. I remember we agreed to handle feedback via phone or conference call when possible so I can make sure I understand. Could we jump on a quick call to discuss this?"
By taking these steps, you ensure that feedback is not just received but truly processed.
Sometimes, that quick request is all you need to convert anxiety into action.
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